Confessions of a daughter

  

      Before being a sister, wife or a mother, I was a daughter and I am. The first relationship from which my journey started. Daughter is something which bound to have a lot of responsibilities towards those pure souls who have been gifted this life. Parents… Today I don’t know why but I have a feeling that I am failing as a daughter. That grief is killing me inside. It makes me to think about killing myself. 

Do you know what is the worst and hardest part? To continue to live when I wanted to die. 

It is because of your advices that I am still continuing. It is you and your advices that makes me stronger till date​. There were situation when I felt that I couldn’t handle anymore. But you both have given me the strength and support to face the situations, taught me how to find the core of a problem and resolve it. You were there for me as always. But was I there for you when you needed me??

      Dear Mom and Dad, being your daughter is the best prized possession in the world. I always wanted to make you proud. But I couldn’t do that till now. When the time for pay you back those love and care have arrived I couldn’t do that to it’s fullest. My matrimonial status is not allowing me to do so. Whenever I took a step towards you I got tangled in my marital status. 

     Mom, I know I am your biggest concern in your life. You were there for my demands from the very first day in the form of feed. From there on this demanding process is continuing. Still you are there for me to meet my demands irrespective of your age and situation. Neither I stopped demanding nor you stopped meeting my demands. I know you loved me unconditionally. But why did you let me go from your warmth. Wasn’t it just yesterday that you took care of me when I was sick, trotted me off to school, shouted at me for my mistakes, my graduation and finally leaving home. 

You stayed awake till I off to bed, stayed hungry till I eat. I still remember your tension for my board exams, your tears for my injuries, your happiness when I scored good marks. 

This was all your concerns and then this concern turned to marriage when I was twenty four. You wanted​ me to settle down. You were so desperate to see my marriage and you wanted me to build up a family as you did. The trust in you and your love made me to accept a man who I don’t even know. You had let go of your little girl, watching her loosen ties from her family of origin. And finally you had witnessed your little girl step into full of her womanhood which was an extraordinary transformation. 

Prescription of marriage is always more stringent for women

For me it was very difficult to adjust all the new happenings around me. I was forced to get accustomed to new customs traditions and rules. After marriage you have said that my husband’s home is my home. But what about my natal home? Why should I visit my own as a guest? Where does my identity exist, when I am a guest to my maternal home and I am an outsider to my husband’s home??? What about me when my In laws controls my relationships? It feels like captivated. 

I am also a human being having my own respirations perspirations and inspirations.

 Why should my parents bend down before my In laws always? You both are still trying your best to make them comfortable. Is this the way to bring security and dignity to your daughter in her husband’s house? The way you both unflinchingly carryout your role is something beyond words and emotions. And that is why I decided to confess about my feelings. It is at that moment when I wear the cap of a mother, I realized the excitement, confusions, nervousness and responsibilities of being a mother. I realized that this is the beauty and challenge of parenthood. 

   Today I can fathom the problems you faced or efforts you put in to take care of me. I always wanted to be there for you to give all the love and care you are giving me still.

 The child in me craves for the food you cooked…And I yearn to be that careless girl leaving all worries upto you and sleep besides you…. I really long to be that little girl once again who long to be taken care of, to be fed, to be loved just as when I was a kid..…

  Dear Mom and Dad, Thank you for being there for me always and Sorry for all the times I failed as a daughter. I love you